Building a New Life for the Kids: The Pickett/Troxell/Krause Clan

What a year.

I'm not going to entirely recap.  If you want the whole story, read the two or three blog posts that precede this one.  The short version: My 17-year marriage came to an end.  I got remarried to the love of my life. My terminally ill son is doing better than ever.  My ex-husband and his girlfriend (who I adore) live two doors down and are committed to our mission of raising our kids together.  (Seriously though, read the blog posts from earlier this fall.  You can't make this stuff up.)

I've learned a lot about myself this year. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.  It's okay to be vulnerable to someone you love and trust. It's healing to admit you did something wrong and hurt someone you love and try to fix it. I'm broken.  I have faults.

But with everything I have and everything I am, I want to do good. Make it all right. Be a better mom, daughter, wife, friend.

I don't really "do" New Year's resolutions.  They're cheesy. And why set yourself up for failure? Whose resolutions aren't completely unraveled by February? I do try to make goals, things I want to accomplish.  Things I want to work on.  Well, after the year I had, there's plenty of work to be done!

The top of the list? Continue to create a healing, loving, supportive family unit (The Clan as we all call it) for the kids. They've seen things they shouldn't have ever had to see with Willy.  Now add to that a divorce, remarriage, new houses, and new schools.  They went from having a very fraught existence with parents who argued and struggled.  They now have four very healthy parents who have become best friends.

The Pickett/Troxell/Krause clan the night of Gabby's 3rd grade Holiday Concert. 

I'm too much of a realist to paint the entire picture too rosy.  It's been tough. People were hurt this year. We still have things we need to work through and family counseling will help. But we have all been adults.  The four of us have bonded in the most amazing way. I'm honored and lucky to have another mother for my kids. I'm indescribably grateful for my husband and the love he has for his step-kids.

 Trish teaching Gabby how to make a cake. 

 Ted giving Willy some extra loving.

Last night Trish invited us over for an "un-birthday" celebration.  It was to celebrate those of us in the Clan whose birthdays were earlier in the year and we didn't get to celebrate them as a family. She had Gabby help her bake the cake and decorate it.  We all sang Happy Birthday to each other.  Then the four of us played Euchre while the kids hung out. The kids saw their mom, dad, step-dad, and dad's girlfriend (they'll get married - seems weird to call her simply the girlfriend. She's much more than that,) having fun, enjoying each other's company, joking, laughing, and also discussing the kids and our plans.  We even got Grant to laugh.  (Darn broody teenagers...)  

This is what I want for our kids.  I want them to see that although their mom and dad's marriage didn't work the way we planned, we still love each other very much. That we chose very wisely with our new partners.  We chose partners who love them as much as we do and who support us all as a family unit.  We didn't ruin a second chance. Now this also means they'll have four parents to nag at them, ask them about school work, remind them to do their chores, etc.  But the net result is a committed group of people who will do anything they can to raise them, support them, laugh with them, cry with them, whatever we need to do. 

We'll make mistakes.  But we'll apologize and move on. I want them to see their parents are imperfect but it's how we go about moving forward that counts. 

Last but not least, I also gained four awesome step-kids who, as I've indicated in previous posts, have been very brave and kind.  There's still healing to be done but so far they've been amazing. 

Here's to 2015.