A Very Post-Modern Family : 11 Christmases

Willy lived 11 years, 7 months, and 25 days. Within that time frame, we had 11 Christmases with him. I always felt bad for those who lost loved ones around the holidays. It's like extra salt in the wound. I dearly love Christmas but it should come as no surprise that I'm having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit this year.

My hospice grief counselor called me yesterday to check in. There is a lot of grief support available and it's free so there's really no reason not to take advantage of it. We had a nice talk and I plan to talk with her again soon. During the conversation, I acknowledged that I have been focusing perhaps too intensely on Willy's last few hours. I know there's no rules for grief but it doesn't seem healthy, to my untrained mind at least, to focus that hard on the last few hours. I realize that since we packed 20 lifetimes into his 11 years, there are plenty of good times to focus on. And since I have a slight photo obsession, there are no lack of photographic reminders of all the good times.

This year Willy will spend Christmas in a much better plane. Regardless of your belief system, I'm fairly confident that most of us have some view of an afterlife. Whatever we're doing here, I bet Willy is doing it better there. Ted and I plan to go visit Willy's grave on Christmas Day after we drop the kids off at Todd and Trish's house. It will be sad. No one should have to visit their child's grave on Christmas Day. In preparation, I am writing this blog entry to help me remember the 11 Christmases he did have here with us. They were all fabulous.

Travel back in time with me to remember Willy's 11 Christmases.

Christmas 2004

Willy had just been born in March and diagnosed in July. He had recently been discharged from the hospital and was on ACTH for seizure control. ACTH is a steroid shot and it blows the patient up all plump as you can see from the photos. He was a cute, fat little guy, wasn't he?