The role of mother and the feelings surrounding it can look different to everybody. There are women who want to be mothers but have been unable to. There are women who choose to not have babies and then get questioned about their decision all the time. There are step-moms and 'second' moms and aunts and mentors who provide mother-like comfort and support. There are single moms who work their tail off to get it all done and sometimes motherhood might be tougher than normal for them. I know single fathers who are doing double duty which can't be easy! I could go on, but you get the picture. I think it's important that we celebrate these holidays but also keep empathy for others on the radar.
In my personal life, I have been blessed with many strong, amazing women to show me good examples. My mother was a single mom to me and I was not an easy teenager! She let me be who I was trying to be without making me into something different. I have a strong and caring step-mom, and grandmothers, aunts, and cousins. In their own way, they have all made me proud and have been good examples. And it wouldn't be Mother's Day if I didn't give a shout out to Trish, my co-parent mom. She loves the kids deeply and together we work hard to be the moms we need to be, each in our own unique way.
As a mom, I am grateful for Grant and Gabrielle. (Who is enjoying the nickname Elle these days and I am working to support that change when I remember!) Grant is working full-time plus in Brooklyn, New York at a medical diagnostic lab. He's conquered NYC, pays his own rent, is in a band, and is doing great. All at 18. Elle is a spitfire. Quite a lot like I was at her age which is how I know I was difficult sometimes. She's full of teenage angst and low self-confidence and I just wish I could have a quick conversation with her adult self. I'd tell her that she shouldn't worry. She will be just fine! I also am grateful for four amazing step-kids and three significant others. They didn't have to but they opened up their hearts to let me in and I love them.
If I take the lens and pan out, I really do have amazing women in my life. My work life is incredibly satisfying and for the most part is filled with female leadership who is supportive of each other. My town is full of strong, amazing women who fight for social justice and look out for the marginalized and do what they can to help lend their support. I've worked with amazing women in Congress to get some advocacy work done and am proud of the female leadership we have in our government and look forward to the day we have our first female president.
This all is not to say that I don't value the men in my life. I strongly believe we benefit from having both men, women, fathers and mothers in our lives. But history hasn't been kind to women and we are still trying to become equal partners. Nothing gets me more excited than seeing women support other women!
The role of mom is not simply being a mother. It's supporting, listening, educating, comforting, cheering, guiding, advocating, it's picking your battles and biting your tongue sometimes. It's exhausting. But most of all, it's being an example. Now more than ever we need to show our daughters they can do anything. They are needed and wanted and their role in society is unequivocally necessary. We need to remind them they are 50% of this population! They need to see us do our best. Make mistakes. Be humble. Be strong. Be soft.
When I think of the legacy I am leaving for my daughter, I know there are areas I can improve upon. I want her to know I tried hard to be a good mom. That there are only so many hours in a day and I tried to fill those hours with hard work, a little fun, and a lot of love. I want her to know it's okay to argue and speak your mind and still know she is loved unconditionally even if we are upset with each other. I want her to find what makes her happy and do it. I want her to remember those who haven't had the chances she has had and treat them kindly. I want her always to remember there are backstories that have led to current situations and those backstories are important. Mostly, I want her to have a joyful heart.
Mother's Day. Women's Day. It's complicated and I wanted to take a minute to express this.
If you are a woman in my life, thank you. Thanks for being amazing and helping me to be the best I can be.
